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03-Nov-2017 01:04

" "You're a Member of Parliament for the Canadian Government", says Bud. That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that? "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. USA Senior Health Care Solution So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do? Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes any more. Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me! A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business." The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.

I rather like it." "Well, then," the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. " A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home."I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I said to keep quiet! " A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck... Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans... "I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group... " A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks."I'm the groom." Over five thousands years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the PRomised Land! As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program.

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I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the ecomomy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?